How To Thrive Through The Quarterlife Crisis – Look In The Mirror

For me, emerging from the Quarterlife doldrums has brought with it an increased self-awareness and self-confidence. That has come from the fact that for the first time ever I truly know who I am and what I want. Getting through the Quarterlife Crisis meant taking a good long look in the mirror at myself.

Identifying who you are, I believe, is probably the most important factor in getting through the Quarterlife Crisis (and life in general). You probably know what your school, university, parents, peers and everyone else thinks you should be or do, but do you really know for yourself?

Do you really know what makes you tick? Do you know what your real strengths and weaknesses are? Are you aware of the things that make you feel good, enthused and dedicated, and those that sap your energy, frustrate you or make you tear your hair out? Beyond just knowing them, have you accepted them?

For me, moving forward meant not only realizing that I like to be independent and autonomous in my work, and that I hate having to answer to anyone, but accepting that to be the case. It meant accepting that I probably will never be happy working for anyone else, because that’s just part of my make up – and that’s ok. That acknowledgement of my ‘weakness’ is probably my greatest strength and what has set me on the path to fulfillment and a sense of purpose. 

We all know the ’shoulds’. And that’s part of the problem, because the ’shoulds’ often don’t fit in with what actually is. Many quarterlifers experience a conflict betweeen how they feel they are expected to be, to live, or to arrange their working lives, and the reality of who they are, how they live and what they want from their careers.

If we really knew ourselves, and accepted what we know about ourselves, there would be no conflict. We would unashamedly pursue what makes us tick because we realize that that is what is best for us, regardless of what anyone else thinks about it. We would not ’should’ all over ourselves, because we’d realize there is no point, and we’d be able to stand firm rooted in our self-knowledge.

My real forward movement through the Crisis came in taking a real serious inventory of myself. What I like. What I don’t like. What feels good. What feels bad. What matters to me. What doesn’t. What I do and don’t value. What I would like. What I wouldn’t like. When I had done all of that, I then decided that all of my actions would be congruent with what I now knew about myself.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy. It sometimes seems easier to be what other people – especially your parents who have such high hopes for their dear child – want you to be but when you know yourself and act accordingly you feel good inside (which is ultimately what everyone is aiming for) and are able to make better, more focussed, decisions.

Feeling like the quarterlife is getting to you? I’d suggest getting to know yourself better. Ask yourself who you really are. If you think this is all airy-fairy, idealistic nonsense remember that your life begins with you. And if you’re not living your life, whose life are you living?

I leave you with this quote: “The most successful people are those who don’t have any illusions about who they are. They know themselves well and they can move in the direction of their best talents. They know the kind of culture they thrive in and how they can benefit from that culture. Unfortunately, most people don’t understand themselves. Most people don’t want to lose their illusions about themselves, although they say they want to take charge of their [life]“ (by Bud Bray – quoted in ‘Is It Too Late to Run Away and Join the Circus?’)