Keeping Up With The Joneses

“Everybody is a genius.  But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein 

We all have a tendency to compare ourselves to others. I’d even say that part of the appeal of seemingly harmless social networking sites like Facebook is to see what others are up to – and to see where we are in comparison.

The one problem with comparisons is that we always look upwards. We compare ourselves to those with more. We look at those older, richer, more “successful” and ask “why aren’t I where they are?”.

However progress is measured by the distance from which you have come. Each person’s journey in life is different, and began at a different point, so to compare yourself to anyone is pretty futile. All we see of someone else’s life is from the outside – we have no idea what their inner desires, motivations, frustrations or fears are, so our judgement will only ever be incomplete. Maybe from your point of view, someone seems to have ‘everything’ – but do you know whether or not they are happy? or whether or not they are going about getting what they have in a way that would be in alignment with your own values and standards? Plus, there will always be someone with more!

Why not look at what you’ve achieved relative to your own life, relative to where you started from, and the resources that have been available to you? I’m sure if you do that, you’ll find that you’ve achieved a hell of a lot.

Comparing yourself to someone else suggests that there is one common yardstick for measuring success. Maybe by society’s terms, success is being rich and famous but not everyone is interested in being rich or famous. It is of course much better to judge your success on your own terms. Going to Cambridge for me is a success since I’m the first in my family to have attended the university. However, if I looked at a family which has attended Cambridge for generations, my success would seem insignificant. But to make that comparison would miss the point.

The point is that we are all running our own race, and there is no competition except the competition within your mind. There is no need and no point in comparing yourself to anyone. Since you will only ever live your life, it would be better to focus on your that, reflect on where you came from, examine where you are and decide for yourself if you’re happy with your progress you’ve made and the journey you’re on. If not, make a change. But what that Joneses do has nothing to do with you, nor should they form the basis for deciding on how you feel about where you are in your life.

You are a unique individual with talents, gifts and abilities which no one else has. Focus on those, and what you – and you alone – have to offer the world.

“Don’t borrow someone else’s spectacles to view yourself with” – Simon Travaglia

Make Friends With Your Dreams

Do you have a dream? Or maybe you had a dream which you have forgotten, or even buried?

I’ve found that getting that bit closer to 30 has made me acutely aware of all the dreams I’ve ever had about my life. I looked back to when I was 16, and asked myself if I was doing what I dreamt I’d be doing at 26. The answer was actually no. Although I was doing some great things, within my chosen field, I was not doing what I’d dreamt I would be doing. What that means is that I was not doing what I really wanted to be doing.

I realized that along the way, particularly since leaving university, I’d slowly stopped dreaming. I was becoming worn down by bills, by climbing the career ladder, by how much I was earning, and by the general realities of day-to-day life. I’d let my dreams go because I thought they were unrealistic, and convinced myself that what I needed was to just get myself a ‘real job’. However, it was all taking a toll on my spirit…

Some time out - and I must admit a bit of therapy and lots of self-help books – led me to the conclusion that this is my only life and I need to live it my way. So I made friends with my dreams again. Excavated them and dusted them off…And I cannot tell you how good it feels to be back in touch with them.

We dream for a reason and I believe that our dreams hold the key to our true success and fulfillment in life. Maybe your dream was to be an accountant and you’re doing that – great. However, if your dream was to be an inventor, but you’re working as an  accountant I can guarantee that there is part of you that feels miserable. Dreams, which hold the key to our true desires, are a roadmap that tell us which direction we’re meant to be headed in.

Many of us are afraid to pursue our passions. We’ll often give a range of reasons (i.e. excuses) for why we can’t do it: not enough money/not enough time/I’m too old/I have bills to pay. But dreams are not to be ignored. There is no amount of money that will compensate for not following what’s in your heart.

It’s never too late to  pursue your passion. No matter what you may have to give up, the benefits will always be worth it. You can always make it work, even if you begin by doing something on the side instead of full time. It really is a matter of choices, though. If there are people whose lives or lifestyles you admire, there is no mystery as to how they got there – it’s simply a result of choices they made. Those choices are not always easy, and it may mean stepping out of your comfort zone, and facing your greatest fears. However, there is no reward without risk.

If you aren’t convinced, I ask you to think ahead to 20 years time, and how you’ll feel looking back knowing that you were too afraid to follow the callings of your soul.

I leave you with this quote from Mark Twain: “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”